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And no, I did not and do not fear my parents. We feared the belt. And there is a VERY big difference there. So people need to cool their jets when they hear corporal punishment. Not all parents pulled off a belt they were wearing and just started slinging it willy nilly, hitting what ever piece of exposed flesh they can see, all while being done in a moment of anger.
And I will admit, that large group of us growing up got into the least amount of trouble out of the kids in our grade. And I thank my parents for doing what they did. They were consistent, followed through on what they said, but took the time to explain why we were being punished. We learned that when our behavior was inappropriate or disrespectful there will always be consequences.
Some may be worse than others, but there is always a consequence and we were to be accountable for what we had done. You sound like someone who was never spanked as a child. I got my butt whooped a few times for different things and you can be sure I never did them again. Yes I agree with you. I was slippered just once in my life. I had been caught steeling money to buy plastic model kits , and bear faced lying about it in the face of evidence.
My dad was livid. I got sent to my room and he had to go for an hours drive to calm down.. But there ARE lessons where it needs depending on the child needs to be drummed in. Namely that society has limits that there are things that are not and should not be tolerated. Theft and lying in the face of guilt are two of them. And transgression on these taboos is likely to attract swift and unpleasant retribution.
I was not repeatedly savaged by a mean drunk for whom beating her kids was an easy outlet for her frustrations. I was punished once by a loving father who had to draw the line and make sure I understood the lesson. And guess what? And I have respect towards my parents and others and we have a really close relationship! No harm done in my eyes. My dad was one of those people so he never spanked us. I have an amazing relationship with them and hold no resentment what so ever. So, uh, I grew up with actual child abuse.
Thats your opinion, dont try to force your child rearing views on someone else… In other words, mind your own business. Actually, I was spanked. I was hit with a hand, and a wooden spoon. I was tied to the bed with strips of sheet to keep me in it. And these, among many, many other things, are all part of the reasons my grandparents tried to save me from my parents by taking me in as often as possible. Today, I am a very good person, who lives her life trying to help others and advocating for the less fortunate, who learned it all either from her grandparents or on her own.
All my parents taught me was how NOT to parent. I was never spanked as a child and I will never spank mine. My sister and I respected the ones who raised us and learned quickly not to do something to disappoint them. People like you are the reason kids are out of control. Real life consequences for negative behavior is the only way to go. In the State of Michigan, you may spank a child on a clothed bottom with your open hand.
Using a belt or anything other than your hand, is considered child abuse. Using a belt on a child for lying is not good parenting. If you want to stop a child from lying there are other, far more effective methods. If your only acceptable method is corporal punishment, then do it the right way, with your open hand, on their clothed bottom so as to not cause damage to their skin and or muscles-which a belt will do!
Even the number of spanks is limited to avoid serious damage because a great big male hand on a tiny bottom can cause serious damage, that amounts to abuse. Are you a child psychologist and know the inner workings of their minds? Now kids have no respect for adults and do things that would never even cross my mind. That is incorrect, there is no law on the books saying you cannot use a belt or other object. Belts arechild abuse. They got all butt hurt that we confided in our aunt and eagerly chatted with herbut never them. I became a good person in spite of them,, not because of them.
Thank God they are dead and in hell where they belong. I agree with Netbug. Anyone who is reading this needs to understand that Corporal Punishment IS abuse! Do you want to know how I taught my children not to lie when they used to lie for each other in situations like this? As teenagers they are now unbelievably, and sometimes overwhelmingly, honest with me! Probably to make them understand that every deed has a consequence that also affects others. I worked in a school that used corporal punishment. Generally small amounts small problems.
Homework not done 3 swats. Cheating on a quiz 10 swats. It worked. Half the kids got a couple swats for something once a week. It stung All staff got 5 swats before their contract was signed. The punishment is not for eating chips, it is for disobeying, sneaking, stealing, and lying.
My husband once used the exact same tactics.
Being beaten is abuse and being spanked is not. I was spanked as a child, I love both my parents and am living a very successful life. Both my brother and I have been complemented on how polite we are our entire lives. Anyway, my mom was a widow at that time, and my oldest brother was on leave from the Air Force with his wife and 4 boys. They all lined up to get a swat 1 from the belt, and I was just sure I was just as guilty, so I lined up with them. After I grew up he told me it broke his heart to do it, but there I was, leaned over with the others.
He was a stern dad, and I remember my mom telling him he might be a sergeant at the base but he was daddy at home. And I thought SHE was tough on us! I was spanked a few times, learned. The worse by far was by a teacher. Yes spankings work. I know and my children know.
As well as the truth that some adults in society need a good spanking because their parents didnt teach them values.
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For instance the value if keeping your mouth shut rather than condemning a strangers parenting. Kudos to you. Your forgetting the difference the understanding of the time. To them, this was normal. If we apply todays standards of what child abuse is.. My father was furious, and blamed me because I was the oldest child. He was not interested in listening and accused me of being a lying whore just like my mother.
He took his belt, and said that he was going to beat the evil jezebell out of me. My brother finally admited to what he had done and was rewarded for telling the truth. The point I am trying to make is this.. Bad judgement yes, child abuse no.
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It is about understanding standards of the time. In today world, we have a greater understanding of how children think and of what works better to educate and displine them. We also have greater support systems for parents then we ever did before. In todays world, it is not necessary to punish a child by stricking them, because we now know that they do not respond as well to pain as they do to understanding that their actions have consequences. The worst part of corporal punishment is not the belt on the ass; it is having to wait for it.
My mother was never very good with corporal punishment. She would send me to my room and tell me to wait until my father got home. THAT was the hell!! I spent the rest of the day thinking about it. When my father got home, it was a bit of a relief. The punishment lasted about 10 seconds, and then I went on my merry way. The suffering was spending hours waiting for it.
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That is appalling and makes me want to cry. The problem with the world today are the people who think that a spanking is child abuse. Yet in the countries where hitting your child is illegal anti-social behaviour and crime are all at lower levels. Your logic is so deeply flawed. So, you think people in prison live better than those on the outside?!
Your post indicates that you have MUCH to learn about child psychology specifically, and humanity in general!! Actually, the poster said that she and her other sister genuinely did not know who did it. Their dad just made the assumption that they were covering up or complicit. Beating is not spanking, and the second you use those 2 as interchangeable shows that you are not being at all sensible about the issue. It was a spanking with a belt. That is the actual definition.
I am thankful that spanking and other forms of child abuse are illegal here in Sweden. And the kids…well behaved. All hitting a child does is teach them that violence is an answer. I assume the spankers are mainly from the USA. It figures. Because of that human rights violation stories are coming out of your country left and right.
I hear about child abuse stories from your country more then I hear about shit from the US these days. Maybe a decade ago you could of been so proud but from my Sweden news feeds I think your comment is no longer valid. Sweden is not the country you think it is anymore. Beating a child with a belt or with anything is chlid abusement. Just two days ago I took ALL of my 15 yr old daughters make-up away from her. I even hid my make-up everyday and stage make-up. My sister did that it was not good.
Her dsughter still resents her and tells her everydsy she hates her. So goodluck. She also skipped out of school she said no makeup no school. She would drop her off in her class and as soon as the bell would ring off she went out the school. She is 21 now and she still tells her mom she hates her. They lost there special bond just because she took her mskeup away. When I was a kid, I rode horses and competed in horse shows. I was 13 years old and was being really sassy and not doing my homework etc. My mom threatened me that if I kept it up, I would not be allowed to go to my horse show the following weekend.
Around the same age preadolescence was a tough time for me behavior wise I was really being a brat at the start of the summer. My parents warned me that if my behavior continued, I would be doing ALL of the outdoor yard work for the entire summer instead of my dad hiring someone.
My DAD loves to garden so the entire yard is landscaped with numerous flower beds, lots of grass to mow and we had a pool as well. Every morning my Dad left me a list of things he wanted done weeding, mowing, cleaning the pool etc and it had to be done before he got home. He got creative and I literally had a list long enough that took me all day.
My Mom woke me up at 7 am every morning to get it all done. My parents did right by me, I deserved it. They had tried everything to get me to stop acting like a brat and they figured some manual labor would not hurt…only thing that got me in line! I was never so happy to see the school year start! I gave my mum a bit of teenager sass one evening when I was 16 not the first time! My father was so furious with me that he made me wrote a For Sale ad for my horse.
I loved my horse more than I have ever loved anything in my life. My teenage years were hell. I had suicidal ideations and had undiagnosed depression. My heart broke into a million pieces as I wrote about Rebel and I had to include in the ad why I was selling him. I am 47 years old and I remember the grief and despair to this day. I handed the note to my father and went to bed. I heard my parents arguing about what had just happened and my mother was defending me. She fought for me and I got to keep Rebel but my depression worsened as did my thoughts of suicide and it took years before I stopped fearing my father.
Trust took even longer. I love the punishments that benefit the parents. I frequently made my kids do cleaning as punishment. My dad is a Behavioral Psychologist specialized in kids. I am your little daughter! My mom bought me this amazing, electric blue adult dress for prom. I was a sophomore and invited by my junior boyfriend. The dress was insanely inappropriate for a 15 year old, but I looked so grown up in it with my high heels. My mom was out one evening and I was left home to care for my much younger brothers, as usual.
After I put them to bed, I invited my bf over so not allowed. My mom came home earlier than expected, so I shoved him out the back door. I had had him park on the next street, just in case. My mom saw his car, put two and two together and I got grounded two weeks before prom. She took that dress back and I missed prom that year. My mom had always followed through, but to this day, that is the one I remember, and regret, the most.
She took this time to scream at the toop of her lungs. Your ignorant as they come. People like you are the reason kids today are out of control. Some Adults need to be hit to so whats your point? It actually is the same thing. Spanking is hitting a child on purpose. With hands, belts, shoes, woodedn spoons. You know what it taught me? I know what it feels like to have your parents — the ones who are supposed to love, teach, and protect — be the ones to PURPOSELY choose to inflict pain on the most vunerable. My children have punishments and consequences for their actions.
They in turn practice compassoin and repsect in all aspects of their lives. Sure, they have their moments of imperfection, we all do. But we find ways to turn that into an opportunity to learn and grow. All without violence. It sounds like your parents diciplined you by instilling fear and spankings were just the vehicle. I have friends that were never spanked, but their parents used manipulation and guilt to instill fear and get control.
And those individuals still are in therapy and have been hurt much more than other friends who were spanked without instilling fear. I am very thankful my parents did not do that to us. It does make me sad your parents raised you by instilling fear. That was never my experience with spankings growing up. A spanking is not abuse. No wonder we have so many children that do not have any respect for anyone or anything. Oh please.
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I WISH my dad had wiped my ass. Not just the whole three spankings I got in my childhood. What was worse is my Mom did whoop me or once she took away all my stuff during a visit and I knew she meant business. A spanking is not a beating. I have family members who could ACTUALLY tell you the difference and many friends who would tell you having to get a switch from the yard taught them to not be little ass holes.
Spanking is assault by definition and it affects people different… it is also a form of punishment that is not used by our justice system corporal punishment , effective or not… if our government, as it stands says it is unethical then it is unethical to administer it to a child. On a side note I think it is funny that parents feel the need to use a weapon belt, spoon,etc. My father whupped us good. I would far rather get whupped than suffer the psychological damage my mother inflicted on us by letting us all know that we fell short of her expectations. Please seek professional help.
You need to read my earlier comment. My parents used a belt on our behinds. Not all forms of punishment were physical, some were losing privileges. But we would get the belt if we decided to push it.
And it was not abuse. It was an attention getter and we learned about accountability and consequences. I feared having to deal with the consequences of my actions. So open your mind and please think before you speak. Listen to the facts before you judge and jump to conclusions. Do what works best for your family. Too often I see parents respond with a knee jerk reaction when they hear about spanking or using a belt. Not all of those parents fall into that catagory, but I know many that do.
Spankings were reserved when all other methods failed. They did a lot because we were absolute snots. Spankings were far more effective because who likes that crap? I loved and respected my parents, never feared them, and we had an awesome bond. Excessive is bad and doing it in anger is bad. She hates when I ground her from her books. Fear is the way it works genius. Just like Raven below your the reason the children of today are out of control brats. She was afraid to get spanked what was the mom supposed to do let her scream at the top of her lungs?
My grandmother, who lived with us growing up, was pretty formidable. She had warned me and brother to pick up our toys, or she would burn them. We were about 7 and 9. Up in smoke they went, and a legend was born. When I was 17 I broke curfew once and came home around AM.
My father had stayed up waiting for me and was upset, needless to say. He had planned to leave me alone at home while he went on a nice trip to see my brother play with an orchestra after winning an international competition. However, this punishment was well deserved- he burned the garage down playing with matches. We did. My son Liam managed to shut down Dinotown because he got away from me at 3 years old. He did it again. So I made Liam sit with me on a bench for the next 2 hours while all the other kids ran and played in the water park.
Evan and I talked about how delicious the ice cream was all the way home. Liam just cried. He never took off on me again though. In fact, all of these are. You parents are strong! Last year, my son begged me to sign him up for baseball, so I did, paid a ton of money for the league, cleats, glove, uniform, equipment, etc. And he still remembers I did that and references it often when I tell him not to give up!
go Most of these stories are just horrible and so humiliating for the children. It makes me really sad. I think this is the wrong perspective. In parenting, a long perspective is necessary. Sure, in the moment, the child may be embarrassed. But what is embarrassment compared to the consequence of not learning the lesson? None of these things came without reasonable warning. Every child was given the choice to change his or her behavior before any consequence was imposed. As a parent, I consider what will happen if my child does not learn this lesson.
If they continue to sass and back talk to authorities, they could lose jobs, end up in prison, or any number of much worse consequences than missing out on a fun event. You get the idea. So many of these things show that the kids have more than they need…toys, parties, vacations, etc. If the children have not chosen to act according to the expectations that parents laid out, taking away extras is reasonable.
These children were not deprived of food, shelter, or basic necessities. I have three kids. My oldest all you have to do is look at her with a disappointing expression and she breaks down. While my youngest would grab a bar of soap and eat it so that she could cuss you out medication ended up helping and even at three would put herself on timeouts once for an hour so she could misbehave. So her punishments always had to be severe.
None of these punishments were abusive, nor were they random punishments for no reason. The child was told a punishment would occur if they continued to do something bad, in many cases they were given many warnings, and they continued. People nowadays are saying that millennials are spoiled and soft, and that may be true because they had baby-boomer parents who threw money and stuff at them in lieu of quality parenting time.
If the circle is coming back around, people are seeing that having a soft childhood did not prepare them for a tough adulthood. I applaud these parents. In many cases the parents were punished just as much as the child. We were all disciplined in one way or another and most of us grow up to be decent hums beings who understand the basics of cause and effect. The main thread that happens in these stories is consistency and follow-through.
What does that teach the kid? What these stories show is that the parents say what they mean and will follow through. The earlier the children learn that there are consequences to actions, the earlier they learn to consider consequences before performing those actions. These promises have to be reasonable, but severe enough while still being safe to impress the child. You also have to consider the effects on the family.
Anna, either you are not a parent, or are intent on raising narcissistic sociopaths that will end up being total jerks….. If children do not learn proper, socially acceptable behavior we ALL suffer later because they think the world revolves around them. When children misbehave they need to know there will be immediate and unpleasant consequences.
This is what my husband and I talk about all the time. We have 6 kids between us, 4 that live with us. Time outs, grounding, restrictions, etc work sometimes with some of them. Other times we have to spank. My 5 year old step son likes to be a pain in the butt about eating. Yet, he will still refuse to eat. Now he is told 2 times to eat before the food is taken away and he goes to school or to bed hungry.
Lord Almighty. This type of thinking is first of all dangerous, and second of all disrespectful to your children. Respect works both ways. And they will not learn to think critically about how to behave appropriately in various situations; they will simply learn to blindly obey.
I vividly remember the day my Dad taught me the consequences of lying. I was about six, and I was racing to jump onto the couch with my little brother with a lollipop in my mouth. My Dad, horrified at how dangerous my stunt had been, asked if he had really just seen me leap onto the couch with a sucker in my mouth. I lied and said no. He sat me down and we had a very, very long talk. He told me that trust is like a wall that you build brick by brick, but that one lie can knock it down, and it takes a very long time to build the wall up again. That was almost 25 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.
I learned a very important lesson very rapidly, and to this day I have never, ever cringed in fear of either of my parents. It is absolutely possible to teach your children the lessons they need to learn without humiliating them, destroying things that are important to them, or physically injuring them. Oh my god. A spanking is embarrassing and if used sparingly can be effective with SOME children. And yes, there are some parents who are physically abusive, but I never once feared my dad the whole three times he spanked me in my life time.
In fact, it never impacted my love for him. My mom who was literally beat for real? Scared of her parents. I agree with you, especially a lot of the comments here. Some people think that having a kid automatically makes them better at knowing how to raise children. Obviously these kids needed something to get their attention.
I do have kids. And parents ask her for parenting advice because they are amazed at how well she turned out. I never had to hit or spank her. I treated her with respect and talked with her as an intelligent human being with a mind of her own. I wanted her to learn the logic behind her choices so she could make good choices on her own. By 10 she was correcting friends. By 14 she was teaching her friends to be more grateful for all their parents did for them and to respect them.
FYI: some kids are easy and some are not. My brother and I were the easy two in my family. One of those same sisters has a daughter who is amazing, intelligent, obedient and helpful. That same sister has a wild child son with all kinds of issues. Yet he struggles much more than my sisters daughter.
That same sister is VERY uninvolved with her kids and much more worried about her next tattoo or going out to sing karaoke or her new boyfriend, yet her daughter is mature and wonderful. So keep in mind, you may be a good parent, but you may have also gotten lucky and what worked for you may not work for everyone. Same here. You know what made me more angry? The dad telling his little girl he would put her out and give her money. I would rather get a spanking than have my parent tell me he wanted me to leave. I little spanking would hurt less than wondering if i would be left behind every time I was misbehaving.
My siblings and I were terrible on one beach vacation-we fought on the way down to the beach, the whole week, and on the drive home. I think my parents just wanted an excuse to go on vacation without their four kids! I dropped my 13 yr old son at Barnes and noble to purchase a book. He had money in his pocket to buy one. By the time I parked the car and got into the store he was walking out with a book and claimed he was done. I asked to see the receipt,as this was quite a quick transaction. When he couldnt produce one I made him go back into the store with the book.
The manager was too understanding and let it go. I knew there had to be a consequence. We then drove to the hospital and donated them to the pediatric ward. He never stole again. When my older daughter was about 6, she filled her pockets with small goodies at the bookstore. I took her back to the store to apologize to the manager and return the items. The manager was going to be nice about it, but I insisted that she pay for the items from her allowance she had been saving up for something.
What a magnificent way to handle this. It taught him a lesson, and also benefited other children. No tv, blow dryer, curling iron, or even turning on lights. I was both horrified that her parents did that, and terrified that my parents would do the same to me. Any time she was misbehaving to a considerable degree he would just turn the power off.
She never did figure it out. Just thought the fuses blew A LOT…. In the mean time we were not aloud to use the phone, computer, tv, listen to music, do anything entertaining or hang out with any friends. We were grounded until we finished our monotonous, boring task. One time I was being a sassy 13 year old and I kept arguing with my dad. I kept talking. Another hundred. Ha I had to do hundreds of lines daily in elementary. All I wanted was a simple explanation as to WHY my behavior was inappropriate.
I had that argument with every one of my teachers from grade 1 to 5 until finally my grade 6 teacher sat down with me and explained exactly what my actions were doing to the class as a whole, as well as how it was making him feel, on a personal level. I thanked him and after that, I was never a problem student again. I did it even when I thought that they might not be old enough to quite understand yet.
I clearly remember sitting in the back seat with my cousin arguing about a plastic bracelet. The kind that had water and glitter in them. Well my dad was stopped at the meter waiting for it to turn green to get onto the during rush hour. Just as the meter turned green he ask for the bacelet, tossed it out the window then got onto the We had 1 and a half hour ride to think about that bracelet on the way to my house. I was 6 and she was 8 at the time. My sons often misbehaved in the store.
I left my cart of food behind and took them out — this threw them off because they knew the routine of going through the line, during which they got worse. After that, they were well-behaved! We never had to leave to go back to the van again. And they stopped begging me for candy at the checkout. But you made a conscious and deliberate choice to hit your kids on purpose. You fail as a parent. Jaxxxy is a troll…. I am going to have to agree with the pro-spanking parents.
Sometimes parents have no other choice. When I was 14 I decided to skip school. Of course I got caught. My father single parent ripped my phone out the wall. I, being a smart ass teenage, was able to get another phone from a friend. Then about a month later I skipped school again. My father cleaned out my room. I was left with my bed, an alarm clock, and my clothes. He even took my curtains down. All this stuff did was piss me off.
I thought my Dad was an asshole. A little while later I skipped again. Well, by this point my dad had enough. I got an over the knee spanking. I am almost 50 years old and I still remember how it hurt my behind. But guess what? I never cut school again and I learned my dad was not messing around. I also found that I respected my dad more for it. When we got home I took a screwdriver and popped the balloon right in her face and made her watch me throw it in the trash. Not my proudest parenting moment, but it sure made me feel better at the time! My mom learned early on that I was going to be a tough kid to discipline.
I thought it was funny. What I hated doing was homework. SO, my genius mom would give me standards to write. I said we work as a team or not at all. When my son was in 4th grade he thought that he could be disruptive in class. The teacher took various steps to correct the behavior by redirection, removal of recess, etc but to no avail the behavior continued. She contacted me and with her permission, I told my son that if he acted out during class again, I would be attending class with him. As most kids do, he thought it was just an idle threat and continued to misbehave.
At first my son got really excited because he thought I was there to pick him up early. That excitement quickly faded as he watched me grab an extra chair and started walking towards his desk to sit down. LOL It got even better when the kids around him asked…Why is your mom here?
My son was so embarrassed that after about 20 min my point was made. Needless to say, my son no longer had discipline issues in that class again. The teacher simply needed to ask him if his mom needed to join him again for him to get back on task. I had the same issue with my daughter when she was middle school aged , and I used the same correction. I took a week of vacation, and cleared it with her dean and teachers first.
We talked about it during the ride home. She told me I had embarrassed her, I replied that her bratty, disruptive behavior in school embarrassed me. I also told her that I was prepared to be there every day until she graduated—if she made it necessary. Maybe needless to say, it was never necessary again.
My son is very young still but have pledged myself to this type of punishment if necessary as well. My younger middle sister goofed off and was a very undisciplined child, I as the eldest and my baby sister were the ones beaten every time my mother was angry about something , and did not graduate highschool. Better late than never, my mother finally took time off and escorted and accompanied my middle sister to her summer classes to earn her GED. It sucked that you lost out on vacation time because I felt my mother losing out on vacation time was well deserved as she let the middle child do whatever she wanted ending up with it blowing up in their faces.
I commend you for acting so early, as even though my sister got her GED I believe it was too late in highschool to teach her a lesson as she is now 31 and STILL believes that as she did not ask to be born, my parents are still solely responsible for her…and her boyfriend. My mom did the same thing, but it was after she convinced the principal not to suspend my Junior-in-Highschool brother. One year on Christmas eve, my brother 7 or 8 maybe? I am older and knew about Santa. Christmas Day dawns and my little brother zooms downstairs to get to the presents.
He starts out enthusiastically. His lip starts to tremble and he goes pale. Then he starts to cry, which wakes up my parents. Maybe Santa felt bad for you. My brother finally found his gifts and his tears became tears of joy. The whole family still talks about that year though. When my son was about 11 I had told him he needed to clean his room. He put it off and put it off all weekend knowing it was to be done by Sunday night before bed.
I told him fine, I would do it for him while he was at school the next day. When he came home from school, it was still a mess. I left the mess but cleaned up every toy and fun item out of there. Took him a while to be able to earn his things back. I never had to offer to clean his room for him again! We took a family trip to The Great Wolf Lodge an indoor water park after having my third child. We arrived for our 4 day vacay with just enough time to swim for an hour before they closed the water for the night.
That night my older two kids started acting up at bedtime. We warned them several times to go to bed. It took me several hours to get the baby to sleep. When they woke the baby up, daddy had had enough. My dad told me to sit at the table until I was ready to eat, everyone finished, the table was cleared, and everyone left. About an hour later, he came in and shut off the light on me. The next day, the family went out to Dairy Queen.
I had to sit there and eat meatloaf, green beans, and potatoes, while my sister and brother scarfed down sundaes and cones! My 15 year old daughter had a habit of not letting me know when she arrived home after school or where she was. I gave her warnings about it and said.. I came home and told her she was grounded for 30 days. Since she was grounded ,so was I!
I had to stay home too. She and I ended in having the greatest time getting to know each other ; putting make-up on each other and dressing up , play acting! She had such a good time getting to know her Mom. I loved every moment. Punishment is not to punish it is to teach. They need to know there is always hope. We throw away his toys, take away screen time, cancel playdates. I was exactly the same way. Grounding meant nothing to me, nor did taking away stuff or privileges. My parents were frustrated for years and tried anything and everything.
There were only two punishments that made an impact on me. So my dad started coming to my school and waited at my locker after last class to make sure I brought home homework. It was humiliating, and he kept it up for months. I definitely learned that lesson. So my dad got a screwdriver and took the door away. For many months. Every time I started to act badly they would ask me if I wanted to have no door for another month. And they meant it. Finally getting my bedroom door back was humbling. I have dealt with this as well though not from the parenting perspective.
I was a strong willed child myself and my parents had to be very creative in my punishments because I taught myself not to care. Keep trying though. I know for me one of the things that really got through to me was when I was supposed to attend a camp and did not complete the requirements for me to go. It was finishing a math book or something along those lines.
Nothing unreasonable I did not end up going and had to pay that money back to my parents and only so much could be earned by doing chores. I had to come up with creative ways to earn the money otherwise. It took me at least a year to pay IIT back but now I have a very strong work ethic and hate being in debt so I learned what I needed to learn. Just hold fast it will get better. They are the hardest kids to parents because of their high energy and they constantly challenge you.
A few things to try. Your child has an overwhelming desire to be in charge. Give him opportunities to be in charge with boundaries. Bedtime: Instead of you need to go to bed at 9 pm. Try You can go to bed anytime between now and 9 pm but 9 is the latest. Dominant kids are motivating by competition and winning. They also need lots of space to move around and lots of physical activity. I was just talking to another parent last week about their 3 year old dominant child, something as little to us as letting your kid walk about the ladder to her bunk bed versus being picked up and put in to bed makes a huge difference to them.
It is a safe opportunity for them to be in control of their decisions. When I was young I used to poke my little brother all the time, making him scream. My father said one day he was going to cut my right hand off if I kept doing it. Some of these made me laugh, some made me think, but more than anything it reminded me how hard it can be at times to parent a child and get it right. I was a sneaky kid, always opening the chocolate chips and sealing them back up etc…the year I was thirteen, I found my Christmas presents and opened them.
She came into the room and flung the gifts at me, made me open them again and told me her present on Christmas was watching us open our presents, and I ruined it for her. She was crying…and she never cried. I watched everyone one else open their gifts. That taught me that there was also joy in giving, the joy I took from my mother and that there was a wonder in surprises. It was a great lesson that stayed with me my whole life.
My mom was pretty smart. For some reason, my mom needed to punish me and she made me read fables multiple over a summer and write essays about the morals of the stories. That was one of the most painful punishments to be doing school-type work over my summer and reading things I did not choose myself to read! My two cents. A 14 year old, bluehaired terror! Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia.
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